3 Reasons Why Your Grief Tapping Isn't Working and What You Can Do About It.
- Christina S
- Jun 9, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 10, 2024
Know that feeling when you're trying something new to support your grief and it just isn’t working? Maybe you've checked out this new technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and heard how wonderfully supportive tapping can be for grief. But when you actually tried it out for yourself, without being guided by a script or practitioner, you’re left feeling confused and wondering “am I actually doing this right?”. You want so badly for this tapping thing to work, so you can find more ease and calm amidst the storm of grief, but instead, you're tempted to just give up altogether.
If this resonates with you, don’t fret, I've got ya. Tapping is an incredibly powerful tool once you find your natural rhythm with it. And like anything new in the beginning we can sometimes get stuck and doubt ourselves if we feel we haven’t nailed it quickly. So let’s dive a little deeper and into why you might be hitting some tapping roadblocks and unlock the magic so you can master your tapping and build your tapping confidence.
The #1 reason your grief tapping isn’t working.
The main reason why tapping isn't quite supporting your grief storms? You haven't quite nailed down the core issue fuelling your grief. I know, I know! Grief has a way of sweeping in like a tornado, creating an overwhelming mess of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations all swirling together, so no wonder you may feel a little unsure of where to focus your attention.
One minute you're hit with intense sadness over your loss, the next you're fuming with anger about the circumstances, followed by guilt, helplessness, despair and whatever else wants to comes crashing in for good measure. And those grief thoughts can be like a tangled mess as well, constantly rehashing old memories and fears about the future. Meanwhile, your body is a hurricane of sensations - heaviness in your chest, tightness in your belly, tension in your throat and complete states of overwhelm you can't seem to release no matter how many deep breaths you take. On top of that, past grievances and losses are getting activated, compounding the storm raging inside you. Whether you're navigating cancer, mourning the death of a loved one, or any other major life challenge, grief disrupts every fibre in your being.
But here's the thing, when it comes to tapping for grief, getting to the root, the core underlying the grief issue you're hoping to work on, is absolutely key. Otherwise, you might end up feeling like tapping just isn't giving you any lasting relief or that you are going around in circles.
So take a moment to pause and get super honest with yourself: “what is it that you most need to find more ease around right now?” Are you desperately craving peace from the sadness and heartache of your loss? Or maybe it's those looping thoughts about the circumstances that you can't seem to escape? Perhaps the biggest stressor is something more practical, like navigating finances, legal stuff, and things your loved one use to take on. Get in touch with what it is that’s bothering you, that's stirring up big, heavy emotions and thoughts. Yeah, but how exactly do I do this?!
The magic lies in tuning into the wisdom of your body's messages. Your body is like your inner guru, constantly whispering truths through sensations if you simply slow down and listen. Notice where you feel tension, heaviness, or other forms or incoherent energies or struggles related to your core issue. That's your inner compass pointing you toward what you need to tap into.
Once you get clear on the tapping root - whether it's explosive anger, heavy sadness, gnawing guilt, or any other tough emotion, sensation or thought hijacking you - you can get tapping with far more precision and effectiveness. If you're struggling to access that clarity on your own, get in contact with a specialist EFT grief practitioner to gently guide you. They can quickly guide you on how you can tune into the core of your grief with compassion and ease.
Remember, keeping it real on this grief healing journey will allow you shift from chaos to clarity and discover more peace and ease that you’re craving inside.
#2 Your Grief-like mind is playing tricks on you.
Okay, so you know that grief has a way of making us feel like we're losing our damn minds, right?! When you're in the thick of it, it's easy to feel lost, confused, to start doubting yourself and your ability to function on a daily basis. Even the simplest day-to-day tasks can feel overwhelming after a major loss or when you are moving through a significant health challenge like cancer.
In this ‘griefed-up’ state, it's only natural for your mind to slip into not so helpful thinking patterns and tricky mind games, especially if you're new to tapping and feeling the full volcanic force of your grief. You may catch yourself wondering "Is this really working?" or "Am I even doing this right?", especially if you're not seeing immediate results. And if tapping isn't clicking with you right away, self-doubt can quickly creep in and undermine your whole practice.
Pause for another second now grief walkers. I need to share something super important from all the tapping research that’s out there so you can put that inner critic to rest: ALL Tapping is Good Tapping, even if you feel like you're fumbling through it in the beginning. Let me say it again - you cannot get this tapping thing wrong!
Here's why: The simple act of tapping itself sends a signal to your brain to calm the body and mind so you can find more ease. It's that simple! Yes, you'll likely experience even deeper shifts when you pair the tapping with consciously acknowledging the specific issue you're working through. But if it all feels like way too much right now, just scale it back to basics. Simply tap along the acupoints and breathe naturally. Seriously, that's it! Your body and mind will recalibrate at their own pace and begin to bring you back to a state of coherence. If you just keep showing up for yourself with your tapping practice, you'll soon find more space, more peace, and ease in the midst of your inner grief storm.
So remember, trust that your brilliant body and mind are hard-wired to receive and respond to tapping's signals, even if you are a beginner. The more you practice it, the more you'll experience waves of respite from grief's intense physical, mental and emotional strain. Trust the process, trust yourself and you’ll soon be on your way.
#3 An underlying trauma wants to join in the grief party.
Now let's talk about those unexpected moments when super intense grief emotions crop up – yes, I'm talking about 'freak yourself out moments'. It's more than likely in these moments that an underlying trauma has come to crash the grief party. So here’s the thing when it comes to grief: losses or anticipated losses (e.g. like being told you have a terminal prognosis) of any kind can be super scary. And those significant life-altering events, can be incredibly traumatic and leave us feeling under resourced. Finding yourself in a raw, vulnerable state without the right supports and resources can make you feel like you're treading water with a heavy weight belt on.
While tapping can be an incredibly powerful way to minimize overwhelming grief storms, sometimes unpleasant and uninvited memories or past events can come up to say hello. For instance, hearing your loved one has been diagnosed with cancer may come with a whole cascade of assumptions, fears, and experiences from the past that could instantly activate a full-body stress response. Maybe you’re uncle Joe just lost his battle with cancer. Or maybe you recall how fragile your friend looked when you visited her during her last round of chemo. Any of these past associations can flood the nervous system when someone you cherish may be embarking on a challenging journey like cancer. It's utterly disorienting. Or it could be as simple as you're enjoying watching an online video on looking after yourself through grief, and you're really tuning into the words the presenter in that video is using when BAM – they mention this one little word that reminds you of your past volatile relationship that recently ended and now your nervous system is in an alarmed or panic state. Totally unexpected and overwhelming, right?
If any of this rings true for you, I strongly suggest you link up with a qualified EFT practitioner who also specializes in grief and trauma. They can hold a sacred, non-judgmental space for you to safely explore and release aspects of intense memories that arise without being retraumatized. You might even want to look into Matrix Reimprinting, which incorporates tapping with visualisation to help rewrite core beliefs stemming from past experiences and traumatic events that can keep repeat patterns in place.
The key to any successful grief healing
One of the keys to tapping for grief, especially if you suspect you've got some sticky traumas that could leave your nervous system feeling activated, is to resource yourself beforehand. Having a solid toolbox of grounding techniques and ‘go to’ strategies that work for you is always a good idea to have handy before embarking on any new therapy or technique, tapping or otherwise. And if you don't, then it may be worth linking into a qualified mental health professional or someone equipped to support you in building your wellbeing toolbox.
If you happen to be based in Australia, I've got a list of some go to grief supports below that might be a great starting place to check out. If you do find yourself stuck in a tapping rut, a quick session with an EFT practitioner may just work wonders too. With the right techniques and some expert grief support know-how, you'll be tapping your way to more ease through your grief in no time.
And when pesky past events and memories try to visit to send your day a little sideways having some go-to resources on hand can make all the difference in keeping your tapping practice smooth sailing. It's like having that trusty life-vest on the boat, just in case.
Now if you're just dipping your toes into the tapping waters, the key is to take it nice and slow. Build up your confidence bit by bit – no need to run before you can walk! Once you master the basics with tapping and breathing, the rest will follow.
Speaking of mastering tapping, subscribe to the blog to stay updated with latest tips on how to improve your energy with tapping and more. Plus you may want to check out the Grief from the Couch tapping group so you can practice in a supportive session with like minded people.
For now, may you move through your grief with love and light in your heart.
Christina
If you are in Australia, and struggling with grief here’s some handy sites to keep on hand. Remember you don't have to go through grief alone. There's many wonderful organisations out there that can support you.
And for younger grief walkers, check out:
Christina is a cancer social worker, Matrix Reimprinting, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner and Reiki master-teacher with a love of energy based and mindfulness practices.
She works with people to free themselves from their grief struggles so they can move through life with more ease, confidence, love and joy, all while honouring their loved ones and themselves in their own unique way.
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